Most families do not sit around discussing adult social care.

Then something changes.

Mum is no longer managing the stairs.

Dad has had a fall and cannot safely be left on his own.

A disabled son or daughter needs more support.

The person who has been doing most of the caring finally says:

“I can’t keep doing this on my own.”

And suddenly everybody needs to understand a system they probably knew almost nothing about the week before.

Who do you call?

What help is available?

Who qualifies?

Does somebody have to pay?

What does the council provide?

What are families expected to do themselves?

And why does almost everybody seem to learn the answers only after they need them?

That is the backdrop to a national review of adult social care which Peterborough residents are being invited to take part in.

The Big Conversation on Care is part of the Independent Commission on Adult Social Care and is asking people about their experiences of care and what needs to change.

It is not only for people currently receiving care.

Carers can take part.

People working in care can take part.

And families who have dealt with the system can explain what happened when they first needed support.

There is a Peterborough reason to pay attention.

Peterborough City Council says demand for adult social care has been rising, including pressure from an ageing population and increasing numbers of younger adults with mental-health needs.

But statistics only tell part of the story.

What families tend to remember is much more specific.

The phone call where somebody finally explained what to do.

The assessment they did not know they could ask for.

The service that made an enormous difference.

The waiting.

The paperwork.

The cost they were not expecting.

Or the point where everybody assumed another member of the family would somehow manage.

That is the stuff worth putting into a consultation process like this.

Because one of the biggest problems with care is that people often discover how it works while they are already tired, worried or frightened.

If you have dealt with adult social care in Peterborough, think back to the beginning.

What is the one thing you wish somebody had told you before your family needed care?

That answer might be far more revealing than another policy document.