By half past seven, Emma and Ben have discussed the food shop, a missing parcel and whose turn it is to take the car to the garage.

 

Now they’re on the sofa. The television is on, but neither is really watching. Ben is scrolling through his phone. Emma is answering an email.

 

“How was your day?” she asks.

 

“Fine. Yours?”

 

“Busy.”

 

A few minutes later, Emma puts her phone down. She’s been looking forward to seeing Ben all day. Now he’s beside her, she feels oddly alone.

 

There hasn’t been an argument. Nothing dramatic has happened. It’s just another evening in which they’ve managed the household without finding out much about each other.

 

Perhaps that feels familiar. You still care about your partner, but between work, responsibilities and the pull of a screen, conversation has become mostly practical.

 

You know what needs buying. You’re less sure what’s on each other’s minds.

 

Getting closer again doesn’t have to begin with a grand gesture. It can begin with saying what you miss.

 

Make an invitation, not an accusation

 

Emma’s first impulse is to say, “You’re always on your phone.”

It would be understandable.

 

It could also lead straight to Ben pointing out that she’s been on hers and an argument about screen time rather than a conversation about feeling distant.

 

She tries something more direct:

 

“I miss chatting with you. Shall we put our phones down and have a cup of tea?”

 

This says what she wants, without expecting Ben to guess.

 

He might welcome the suggestion. He might need a little quiet after a difficult day. There’s room for that too: “All right. Could we have ten minutes together when you’ve finished?”

 

The point isn’t to demand an instant heart-to-heart. It’s to make room for each other and follow through.

 

Ask about something that matters to them

 

“How was your day?” isn’t a bad question. But when it’s asked every evening, often while someone is loading the dishwasher or checking messages, “Fine” can become the automatic reply.

 

Try picking up a thread from an earlier conversation:

 

“How did that meeting you were worried about go?”

 

“Did you manage to speak to your sister?”

 

Then give the answer your attention.

 

Ask another question if you’re interested. You don’t have to turn it into an interview or find something wise to say.

 

If your partner describes a problem, you might ask, “Would it help to talk it through, or do you want some ideas?”

 

Sometimes being heard is what they were hoping for.

 

Make a small plan you can actually keep

 

“We should spend more time together” is easy to agree with and easy to forget.

 

“Shall we go for a walk after breakfast on Sunday?” gives you something to work with.

 

Choose something that fits the life you have: your budget, working hours, caring responsibilities and energy.

 

It might be breakfast together, a short walk or cooking a favourite meal.

 

And share the effort.

 

Taking turns suggesting and arranging things matters; spending time together shouldn’t become another task for one person to manage.

 

Don’t overlook what’s making connection difficult

If one of you is carrying most of the housework or caring responsibilities, putting the phones away may not address the real frustration.

 

There may need to be another conversation: not just “How can we have more fun?”

 

but “What needs to change so we both have the energy for it?”

 

Start with something concrete. Agree who will take responsibility for a recurring task, including noticing when it needs doing, planning it and getting it done.

 

A pleasant evening is worth having. It isn’t a substitute for sharing the work fairly.

 

Give an ordinary conversation a chance

 

In our imagined evening, Emma and Ben make tea and leave their phones in the kitchen.

 

There’s no big revelation. Ben tells her why work was difficult.

 

Emma mentions something that made her laugh. They decide to go out for a walk on Sunday.

 

It doesn’t solve everything. But the evening feels different: they’ve done more than sit beside each other.

 

If attempts to reconnect repeatedly lead to hurt, defensiveness or the same unresolved argument, relationship counselling is an option.

 

You don’t have to keep trying to untangle it on your own.

 

What do you enjoy doing together when time or money is tight?

 

Send us your favourite low-cost idea for an evening or afternoon as a couple.

 

We’d love to share suggestions other readers could try.